Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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