I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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