he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
