I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
