that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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