so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
