I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need moral support for this bender
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
