At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
