she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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