I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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