It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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