i love accidental penises.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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