i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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