forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
