How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
