I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
