She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
