No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
