i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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