i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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