One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.