Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha