He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD