she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes