oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.