omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
