Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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