He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
