So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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