I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
