I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
