her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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