About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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