Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
