so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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