so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
