According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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