I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to make out with him forever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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