that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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