Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
