you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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