I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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