I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
