how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize