Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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