I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
