If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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