Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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