how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
