please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
