You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
