the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
