this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
