I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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