if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
