i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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