i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
