I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
