I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.