I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to jail i love you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night