and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
