i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.