they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".