I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.