i just google imaged poop.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude