party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
