I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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