Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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