I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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