tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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