The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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