A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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