My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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