i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize