Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
