I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
